Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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