Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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