Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I pour the whiskey from now on
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
