No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
