You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
