her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
