Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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