so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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