Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
