He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
