the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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