Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I'm really busy with my period
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