You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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