if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
