he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
