Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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