by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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