I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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