you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
love makes seman taste better
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
