So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
