HIV tests are more positive than that guy
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
