I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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