apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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