last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
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I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
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The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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