I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize