break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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