Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
