If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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