Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
