I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
