That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
