dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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