she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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