i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
