That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
