fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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