All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
