I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
