I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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