found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
