when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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