Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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