The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
