Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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