What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
