You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
