look no pants
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
