i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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