worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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