He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
