Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Found your dick twin last night
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
