I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
foreskin is a definite game changer
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
