How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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