...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
