i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
