Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
