Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
