Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
