u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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