I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
