Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
