I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
